Get out of Work Free Card

I'm pretty sure the Swine Flu is turning into the ultimate get out of jail and go directly home, do not pass go but still collect $200 (paid vacation time). Now is the time to sneeze or cough at work and tell your boss that you are feeling under the weather. You might want to set it up a couple days in advance but that's up to you. Citigroup professionally disinfected it's NY office after an employee reported flu like symptoms. All I'm saying is that one man's (or world's) problem can turn into your advantage.

Let's just keep this all in perspective. Over 36,000 people die a year in the US from the flu. I'm going to hold off on the panic button until there is a legitimate death in the U.S. from the swine flu (I'm a big fan of the name). The news agencies were looking for any way to sensationalize and spread panic and fear. After all, fear sells papers (and the newspapers need all the help they can get at this point - (Internal meetings...BRING ON THE SWINE FLU!) The only death from the swine flu in the US was a Mexican boy visiting relatives in Texas. Call me when a 26 year old from Colorado dies (was that too cynical?)

My classic plan if shit really hits the fan is to move the the Caribbean. Just thinking about the perfectly white sand beaches and crystal clear water with colorful fish puts a smile on my face. It's hard to find someone who lives there that isn't happy and willing to chat. So I'm expanding my reasons for packing up my stuff and moving to include a worldwide swine flu pandemic. I'm not crazy enough to leave for a couple 100 measly deaths. I'm talking about a million plus deaths. This isn't completely unrealistic. The 1918 Spanish flu pandemic wiped out over 20 percent (a conservative estimate) of the worlds population. Put into perspective, 20 percent of the worlds population is over 1.3 billion people. And the flue wasn't just a European problem. Over 600,000 people in America died. So, with that being said I certainly hope that the swine flu doesn't become a serious pandemic BUT in the event that it does, I'm out of here. Carribean/British Virgin Islands...(maybe Virgin Gorda in particular) Here I COME.

P.S. Thanks Pat and Matt for calling me out on the lack of posts! I needed it.

Update: 4/30/2009 2 confirmed cases in Colorado were reported - i'm starting to pack my bags.

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Swine Flu

Why are Mexicans dying while Americans just get the flu?

This would be the perfect time to pitch my T.V. show idea...There's always a way to profit off of fear.

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The Running Toilet

I'm pretty sure no one has ever described me as particularly handy, especially when it comes to housework, fixing stuff or putting something together. I once decided to make speaker stands that ended up looking more like the leaning tower of Pisa.

But this one I should be able to fix. It's the dam toilet and it's been running since I moved into this apartment (August). Every once in a while, if i wiggle the handle just right it will stop....for a while but then it starts back up. It's a good thing I don't pay for water.

I understand the concept, the plunger need to sit flush so the water doesn't leak into the bowl. I think it's starting to drive me insane.

P.S. whoever the Anonymous person is who commented on my use of "I/i" thanks. Now I'm self conscious about it and it too is driving me nuts.

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Baby Shakers

Over the last couple years there have been a number of public service announcements warning me about the risks of shaking a baby. I find screaming babies, children, actually just about anyone screaming incredibly irritating but at no point do I ever think that if I just shook them hard enough they would stop. Who are all these people out there shaking babies, and are there enough of them to warrant a Public Service Announcement (hurray, tax dollars being put to good use)?!?! I'm no baby expert, trust me, but I don't need a PSA to tell me that I shouldn't do it. I heard one yesterday that said, "Sometimes babies cry for no reason, NEVER shake a baby." NO SHIT! It's a baby. Imagine picking up an adult and shaking the shit out of it...that would be dangerous too! This isn't rocket science people, it's common sense and the fact that we need a public service announcement warning us of the dangers is just sad.

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It's a Haiku! Deal with it!

In case you forgot (as i did and had to look it up) a Haiku is a poem following a 5, 7, 5 syllable pattern. For some reason i had the urge to write one.

Spinning round and round

The kid Jumping up and down

Oh how fun that was

Here's a a little tidbit into the insanity of my childhood. Every once in a while i had the urge to start a diary or keep some sort of record of my life. Little did i know that one day there would be this completely acceptable way to keep a journal of your thoughts, A BLOG.

When i was at home last time i was looking around some old books i have on the shelf and came across one of these "journals." I always lost interest after a couple postings (so it's a little amazing that my blogging is going strong) but i found some of the entries fascinating.

For starters I made a haiku about smoking cigarettes! Yes, you heard me right. I wish i could remember exactly how it went. I think it went a little something like this:

Smoking is not cool

Why would anyone take a puff

Smoking kills, kills, kills

(and then i drew a picture of a HUGE lit cigarette next to it. And to think, i still have never tried one...)

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Old People Creep Me Out...And Smell Bad Too

I've never been a big fan of old people. I'm not talking about people in their 50's or 60's because they're now considered the new 30. I'm referring to the 80+ year olds literally holding on for dear life. I'm talking about the one that lives next door to me who leaves his house once a day and hasn't had a visitor since i moved in. I'm talking about the old guy that smells so bad when he DOES leave his apartment he makes the entire floor smell of death for hours. It's like his insides have become stale. It's a unique smell that can only come with age. Some say wisdom comes with age; well i say stench comes with age. Especially since this guy is long past the point where anyone would take advice from him. Since he's my neighbor I'm forced to pass through the stench every time i enter or leave my apartment. It seeps from under his door and settles in front of mine.

Here's the kicker. I live on the 8th floor of an 8 story building. Just imagine, for one second how overwhelming the smell is when you get stuck in the elevator with the guy. Granted, it doesn't happen very often (refer to earlier where i mention the fact that he only leaves his apartment once a day). Just thinking about it sent a shiver up my spine.

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Nuggets game Doubt

If you were to tell me that:

1. Melo would shoot an awful 30% from the field and only score 12 points

2. JR Smith would go 0/7 from three point range

3. Chris Paul would have a double/double with 21 points and 11 assists

I would tell you that the Nuggets were blown out. I'm a little nervous about tonights game. I don't think it's going to be close...either the Nuggets dominate again or David West steps up his game and the Hornets win. I doubt Billups is going to have such a dominating game again so it's going to need to be Melo, Nene, or J.R.

I hope it's J.R. When he's on fire he can be one of the most exciting players in the NBA.

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Freddie Mac CFO Commits Suicide

The interim CFO of troubled mortgage lender Freddie Mac committed suicide. If this isn't a telling sign that their problems are much, much bigger than the public knows, i don't know what is. Will the current market run really last or are there a lot of skeletons in the closet the public doesn't know about yet waiting to rear their ugly heads?

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When an Economic Nobel Laureate Speaks, I Listen

"The Obama administration’s bank- rescue efforts will probably fail because the programs have been designed to help Wall Street rather than create a viable financial system, Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz said. “All the ingredients they have so far are weak, and there are several missing ingredients,” Stiglitz said in an interview yesterday. The people who designed the plans are “either in the pocket of the banks or they’re incompetent.” The Troubled Asset Relief Program, or TARP, isn’t large enough to recapitalize the banking system, and the administration hasn’t been direct in addressing that shortfall, he said. Stiglitz said there are conflicts of interest at the White House because some of Obama’s advisers have close ties to Wall Street. “We don’t have enough money, they don’t want to go back to Congress, and they don’t want to do it in an open way and they don’t want to get control” of the banks, a set of constraints that will guarantee failure, Stiglitz said. The return to taxpayers from the TARP is as low as 25 cents on the dollar, he said. “The bank restructuring has been an absolute mess.” Rather than continually buying small stakes in banks, weaker banks should be put through a receivership where the shareholders of the banks are wiped out and the bondholders become the shareholders, using taxpayer money to keep the institutions functioning, he said. "I wonder what will happen if or when the public realizes the enormity of the theft that has taken place right out in plain view, before their very eyes. Don’t know? Don’t care? Sheeple? I simply don’t get the complacency . . ."

From Ritholtz's blog The Big Picture.

The other issue according to Stiglitz: “America has had a revolving door. People go from Wall Street to Treasury and back to Wall Street. Even if there is no quid pro quo, that is not the issue. The issue is the mindset.”

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Quote of the Day

"The good news for the Detroit Lions is that they have a new logo; the bad news is that it can't block or catch!"

- via The Sports Guys (which is a radio show in Denver but way too similar to ESPN's Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy)

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A Gaythering Storm

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

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Favorite NBA players

My top 5 favorite players (in no particular order)...

Shaq

Kobe

Magic

Jordan

D-Fish

List your favorites in the comments! And i don't want to hear any shit for including D-Fish. He was mr. big shot for the Lakers (the best franchise in the NBA) during their 3 championship run, 2000, 2001, 2002.

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Chrysler and GM

The government is extending a 500 million and a 6 billion dollar loan to Chrysler and GM respectively. I'm not going to rehash why i think we should let them fail...but i am curious why we have to save them both? Can't we live without Chrysler who has designed 1 car over the last decade that doesn't make me want to throw up every time i see it; the Chrysler 300. I'm pretty sure the company only employs 25,000. That's not much more than Circuit City which we let fail.

The open markets should decide what companies are viable not the government. This is what we, America, preached to the rest of the world when China went through the Cultural Revolution and during the cold war. Open, Free markets usually make the right decisions. So, why are we changing this philosophy now? Why after close to a century as the number one country in world are we making an abrupt turn?

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The blogging madness is back! It's Haiku Time

Spinning round and round

The kid Jumping up and down

Oh how fun that was

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Digg relay

This was on digg this morning and it cracked me up. The heading is "Most intense website intro Ever" and i couldn't agree more.

http://digg.com/d1pCM1

I'm not commenting on religion, God, or the organization. Just agreeing that this intro is WAY too intense for me. It's actually kind of comical.

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Health Food Craze

We have all been affected by the health food craze in one way or another. There's no escaping it! Sometimes i don't want to think about how many calories are in my ONCE favorite foods. I shouldn't be feeling "the guilt" as i chow down on a hot dog...even if it's the third of the day. And while i didn't have 3 yesterday, i'm not apposed to it and would actually support it. I'm here to make a stand against health food nuts everywhere. In fact i am declaring right here, right now that i am willing to enter into a hot dog eating competition with anyone who wants to step up and challenge me. It can be held at the Summer Kickoff Spectacle (which i just made up). Instead of giving up my favorite foods i'm going to go to the gym...it's a revolutionary idea...

I also used to love twinkies but haven't indulged in their yellow sponge cake outside and inner frosting goodness in years! This blog rant on food might have been influenced by 4/20 and the munchies...

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Top 10 Party Schools - Playboy

I am happy to say that the University of Colorado did not make this years top 10 list. I feel like this is one of those lists you regret making it onto the second it gets published.

1) University of Miami

2) University of Texas (Austin)

3) San Diego State University

4) University of Florida

5) University of Arizona

6) University of Wisconsin (Madison)

7) University of Georgia

8) Louisiana State University

9) University of Iowa

10) West Virginia University

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Twitter

I'm trying to decide if i like Twitter. At first i was incredibly skeptical. Why would i want another social network in my life? Why would i care about what john or jane are doing? Call me old fashioned but if i cared, wouldn't i just call?

Well, it turns out that i do care what others are doing but even more fascinating is that i enjoy posting short stupid notes about what i'm doing. I was never a big fan of status updates on facebook but twitter makes it so easy and convenient. The user interface is simple and clean which i like. I'm not sure how long this twitter thing is going to last for me but as of now, i'm on board.

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Bank Earnings

The banks are posting favorable earnings reports. Wells Fargo appears to be earning a profit again (the new accounting rules don't hurt). But i'm curious if these are sustainable profits or a one time (or couple quarter) jump based on the huge number of refinances and incredibly low interest rates encouraging home ownership again (wasn't the sustained low interest rate what caused this problem in the first place...) I will be very interested to see what the profit of the banks looks like in two or three quarters.

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The Blame Game

"We are all responsible for the financial crisis." I have heard this line come out of just about every politician and pundit and i resent it. No Mr. politician, i am not to blame, not even a little bit and there are lots of Americans just like me that pay their credit card bills on time, haven't accumulated massive amounts of debt and certainly didn't fall for low interest teaser mortgages. I resent that you don't place the blame on the actual people that warrant the blame. Instead you almost justify the mistakes many Americans made. I mean, who would have EVER thought that a negative savings rate was a good thing? And here's the kicker, the financial apocalypse caused by greed and shortsightedness affects everyone. Those that deserve the blame and those that don't are almost affected alike.

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Modern art - so true

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The Airport Experience

First off, I made it to the airport on time. This shouldn't be note worthy but i have missed something like 7 out of my last 8 flights...I wish i was joking. The last time i flew, I missed both the outbound and return flight (pretty impressive if you ask me).

I enjoy listening to other peoples conversations. It's like people watching kicked up a level and the airport is possibly the mecca for both. There are happy people and terribly upset people. There are American's and foreigners. There's the parent's trying to deal with crying children about to lose it on everyone. I love it!

That was until this morning. I'm pretty sure i have been physically abused in the ears. I'm standing in line at the security checkpoint when i overhear a conversation between two TSA employees. One of them, the speaker is a heavy set (fat) lady. She looks at her coworker and says (I kid you not), "I am so bloaded right now! I haven't taken a shit in over 4 days."

I think i puked in my mouth a little.

About to board - hasta luego.

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Was Moses the Original Rambo?

I’m about to head home for Passover, the Jewish holiday which commemorates the Jewish escape from Egypt. It made me think of the old story which inevitably made me think of Rambo and i saw a lot of similarities (everything i think about turns into a Rambo comparison so this wasn't too much of a stretch).

Every Rambo movie has a similar plot. Hostages taken deep in enemy territory. there's only one person crazy enough to go in and save them. Who is that man? You guessed it, RAMBO! So, let's look at how that's similar to the story of Moses.

1. Moses doesn't need weapons (but isn't opposed to using them).

While Moses was living in the lap of luxury as an adopted child of the Pharoah, he witnesses a Jewish slave being abused. What does Moses do? He goes Rambo on the guy and kills him using his bare hands.

2. Rambo is usually on his own and so was Moses.

Rambo, against all odds is sent into the jungle alone to save some hostages. Well, slaves are pretty similar to hostages and Moses took it upon himself to free ALL of them. Rambo used guns and a crazy attitude while Moses used some plagues (pretty hardcore if you ask me). Here's just a couple...Frogs, Locust, Incurable Boils, Darkness, and my all time favorite - Slaying of the first born! And to think, the Pharoah was so stubborn that it took the death of his eldest child to finally let the Jews go.

3. When Rambo finally releases the hostages, he has to escape in some awesome, over the top way and only narrowly escapes; usually with the help of an ally airplane that comes out of nowhere. Well, after the Jews were released, the Pharaoh decided to change his mind and sent his entire army after the fleeing Jews (It doesn't get more intense than that...or does it!) The Jews get to the Red Sea and start to panic. The army is quickly approaching. Moses, in his infinite wisdom asks God to part the sea (and it actually works!) As the Pharaohs army try to cross the parted sea, it returns and they all drown. I would like to compare God and the parted sea to the allied fighter jet that saves Rambo.

There is one bummer (the official and technical term for what happens) to the whole story....while Rambo makes it back to America to do it all over again in Rambo's 2 - 5, Moses never makes it to Israel. Every last Jew that escapes slavery dies before making it into Israel. As the story goes, God didn't want anyone with a memory of slavery to enter the promised land...Israel. Crazy story, I know.

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Random Observations

Random observations…

Why are there so many people at a coffee shop on a Monday (or any weekday for that matter) at 11:00 AM? I know why I’m here; I like the coffee and there’s too many distractions at home…oh yeah, plus I don’t have a job so why not. Don’t these people have jobs?

I’m not the biggest fan of scolding hot coffee but it seems like almost everyone else is. Almost the first thing people do when they get a coffee is take a small sip. Well, they blow on it for about 2 seconds which does absolutely nothing to actually cool the coffee down. Then there’s the inevitable cringe as they are shocked that it was actually SCOLDINGLY HOT!

It’s April 6^th…it should be warmer than 30 degrees. And the fact that it was snowing ALL weekend makes me question global warming. President Bush was right, it’s all a bunch of liberal bullshit (and God created the world and everything in it in 6 days so he could rest on the seventh).

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G20

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on break

My blogging endeavor is on hold until I finish ALL of my applications. I'm hoping I finish them up this weekend.

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People Have just Stopped Buying Cars...

I pulled this off of autoblog.com website and the numbers look terrible with the exception of Kia and Subaru. The numbers month over month sales comparisons. Here's one for the ages and spin doctors; American car companies are claiming that the numbers aren't as bad as they expected. I call BULLSHIT. What were they expecting...No car sales?

BY THE NUMBERS - March 2009
Brand	Vol. % Change	Total Sales 3/09	Total Sales 3/08	DSR* % Change	Daily Avg. 3/09	Daily Avg. 3/08
Acura	-32.2%	9,005	13,288	-29.5%	360	511
Audi	-19.4%	6,433	7,986	-16.2%	257	307
BMW	-24.2%	17,520	23,115	-21.2%	701	889
Buick	-40.2%	7,369	12,317	-37.8%	295	474
Cadillac	-53.0%	8,209	17,453	-51.1%	328	671
Chevrolet	-42.5%	94,704	164,564	-40.1%	3,788	6,329
Chrysler	-51.9%	19,502	40,539	-50.0%	780	1,559
Dodge	-32.8%	57,728	85,906	-30.1%	2,309	3,304
Ford	-41.7%	109,490	187,828	-39.4%	4,380	7,224
GMC	-50.3%	19,086	38,422	-48.3%	763	1,476
Honda	-36.7%	79,374	125,446	-34.2%	3,175	4,825
HUMMER	-75.9%	831	3,451	-75.0%	33	133
Hyundai	-4.8%	40,721	42,796	-1.0%	1,629	1,646
Infiniti	-47.6%	7,242	13,821	-45.5%	290	532
Jeep	-40.5%	23,771	39,941	-38.1%	951	1,536
Kia	-0.6%	24,724	24,871	3.4%	989	957
Lexus	-42.9%	14,239	24,939	-40.6%	570	959
Lincoln	-33.0%	7,310	10,913	-30.3%	292	420
Mazda	-33.3%	21,974	32,929	-30.6%	879	1,267
Mercedes	-25.0%	15,602	20,808	-22.0%	624	800
Mercury	-42.0%	8,307	14,333	-39.7%	332	551
MINI	-15.9%	3,605	4,289	-12.6%	144	165
Mitsubishi	-57.0%	4,620	10,750	-55.3%	185	413
Nissan	-36.2%	59,392	93,100	-33.7%	2,376	3,581
Pontiac	-30.8%	17,583	25,417	-28.0%	703	978
Porsche	-29.1%	1,749	2,467	-26.3%	70	95
Saab	-57.3%	1,265	2,962	-55.6%	51	114
Saturn	-59.6%	7,333	18,146	-58.0%	293	698
Subaru	-2.6%	16,249	16,685	1.3%	650	642
Suzuki	-24.0%	7,981	10,510	-21.0%	319	404
Toyota	-38.5%	118,563	192,791	-36.0%	4,743	7,415
VW	-19.7%	15,720	19,587	-16.5%	629	753
Volvo	-31.4%	6,358	9,263	-28.6%	254	356

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